How We Disappeared by Unknown

Author:Unknown
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 0000000000000
Published: 2021-10-28T14:50:04+00:00

Trapped within the black-and-white house during the day, my mind wandered through the walls, between the bars of the gate, over the fields in the dark. Most nights, I would dream about waking up at home from a savage nightmare, relieved that it wasn’t real after all. Meng, still sleepy, would clutch my hand as I brought him to school just as light was starting to colour the sky. On my way back to the village, there would be dew on the grass, shimmering like so many glass shards floating in mid-air. I would go to feed the hens and gather their eggs, still warm from the nest, then walk to the market, savouring the electricity of the place, the heat and noise. This is where I want to live, I would think. After dinner, my mother would sit by the kerosene lamp and I would listen to the pluck and weave of her sewing. Her movements set the rhythm for the evening, quieting the boys, making my father relax into his stiff, wooden chair. And then I would go to bed with my brothers next to me, kicking each other as they drifted off. I would wake up seven hours later in the dark, slide forward until my feet touched the floor, and then it was three steps across the bedroom, then six before I got into the kitchen where my mother was. There would be porridge simmering in the pot. I would ask if I should crack a single egg in it as a treat, and she would reply yes, okay.

The first time I had this dream, I woke up thinking that I was back home. There was a wide patch of saliva on my mat and I was getting ready to inch my way off the bed when I realized I was lying on a mat, at ground level. It took a moment before I remembered, before I noticed the smell of damp in my windowless room, the sting of disinfectant, felt the chill of the cement under my hands when I reached out to touch the floor. The blow of realizing where I was took me back to my first week. I thought about drinking all the liquid in the bottle of disinfectant nearby, but I couldn’t move for the weight on my body, my chest. Each time I had this dream, I minded less the moment of waking. After a while, it was all I had to look forward to – sleep.

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